NO Apology

If we apologize for everything we have ever done we have undermined all that we have ever accomplished. There are times and situations when it is appropriate to step up and admit wrong but NOT when freedom is being threatened. That is a slog through the mud to destruction.
- Marne' Newton

This may be one of the smartest things I have ever come up with.. Today on the anniversary of the terrorist attack on this great nation there are many beautiful pictures with wonderful words but what I do not understand is HOW when there are attacks against Americans around the world, today, our government turns the other way and apologizes to the attackers? I am appalled! I am disgusted!!

Forest helping Dawson

My son wants to be a Marine, he is going to sign up for a delayed entry to join the Reserves in 2 weeks. He is just 17 and wont ACTUALLY join till after graduation but this will give him some good experiences till that time. He will then have a year to get three years, or 5 months of active reserve duty time in, prior to his 2 year DEFERMENT, yup just like Mitt Romney, so he can go on a Mission. He will finish up when he gets home. I was disheartened that it is an 8 year commitment, 3/5 three active 5 inactive reserve ( I still don't have the lingo down yet so that may not be the correct terminology) I am proud of him and also afraid. He is my baby and this is a difficult decision I have to make, because I have to sign him in. MY biggest worry is that he will not be allowed the deferment and because of the current administrations machinations this past 3 1/2 years. I am worried that he will end up waist deep in a war..a night mare for any parent or love one of any service person. I will be praying. This will either make him or break him. (Mommy moment)

Small town respect

I am enjoying school, its a lot of work but it is getting me where I want to be and with Forests choices, I may work with people who have ptsd, the military or such. Don't know but it is now something I am considering.

I will graduate college when he enters boot camp. Heavy heart that is bursting with pride? Such a conflict. I so wish Kevin were here to talk this out with. It is what Forest has wanted for a VERY long time and I know I need to let him walk his path, I just wanted it to be a little safer one. I pray God helps me to do the right thing by him, he is such a great young man! Against so many difficulties he has turned out to be pretty fabulous and I admire him for the decisions he has made in his life. Crazy thing is he may get his EAGLE AWARDED after he is in basic..It is SO hard to let them grow up sometimes..

Just another day in paradise

Well everyone seems to get their 10 seconds of fame now and then, guess this qualifies as mine.. MY name is in the paper... HEE HEE,, So funny. Not even my home town paper. . . but hey its there for posterity right? Its for that wreath I entered last minute in the fair this year.

Well things have been going good. Went to Utah and had some fun there. Dads place is under contract, X fingers hoping it all goes through fine, so we went and got out the stuff we needed, well ok wanted.. A bedroom set, some tools a snow blower and welding stuff Forest will be able to use. Not a huge amount of things but meaningful to me. What Mike Shaffer did to dads house is just amazing beautiful craftsmanship and the tile work is fantastic.

We went to Lagoon while we were there got a family picture, its weird not having Kevin in it and Mariah is with Jacob now so that's difficult but this is my family.. 

We took one last year with all of us but Kevin. I still haven't seen it Mariah has it, the stinker... 


We all had fun as you will be able to see as soon as I get the picts back. I will post them. These are from our fun family photo shoot at Pioneer village in Lagoon..

The kids were against it initially but really did get into the swing of things toward the end. . . 


I really do feel like its them against me sometimes, and no they don't hold a gun to my face but they do gang up on me the little rotters..


WARNING:BAD ATTITUDE BELOW:WARNING

I find myself not wanting to DO anything right now, pretty apathetic about life. I get up do the on line school work but that's about all I'm interested in.
I need to get less blah and actually DO laundry, clean the house, cook meals. I know its partly depression and partly frustration, hey that sounds like a song in there some how.. But I do have some plans. I want to get my Shower in my room, I have it all planned out just need that darned money to do it. Its gonna be purdy when its done. 

I have a guy coming to clean up and redo my back yard area, its a mess. Thanks septic installer guy, he was supposed to back fill it and grade it make it look good then seed but he left huge piles of crap and didn't do squat. Kevin was going to fix it but that's not happening now.

I also want to get my deck on so I can enjoy it, even in the winter, I like to grill and haven't for a long time cause well I don't have a grill right now or a deck, but I am looking forward to it when its done too. Have lots of gonnas when the money is there.

WARNING ITS A WORSER BAD ATTITUDE BELOW WARNING

I am sick of just hanging out around the house, YES there is a lot I could do but I'm on strike and don't wanna.. WAAA WAAA I know, ya big crybaby, just do it.

I need some motivation I guess. My get up and go laid down and DIED. It will get better I know it I just need to keep pluggin along.

I think my biggest problem is I HATE this house, Ok maybe that is too strong a word but it is not a house I ever wanted to live in. It is a beautiful home just not what I want so . ,  ME being who I am thinks about what I do want.
Still, I'm grateful for what I have, don't get me wrong, there are just some not so great memories in this house and I want to start over.

LOVE the probate process, it should not take this long but I just am not made of money so it is, THAT is depressing too. WOW this is really turning into a crybaby post but too bad, its how I feel this lovely Labor day.

Well rather than depress the heck out of those few of you who follow this, I'm going to go and DO something maybe I will actually cook breakfast today. Gonna find something fun to go walk to and do today.

Sigh, I remember….

I remember this day with you my love,                        

Our hike up the canyons, the stream we crossed

Your steady steps across the log, my wobbles.

I remember your hand there to steady me

Catch me close, your strength, your love

I remember the climb up the trail,

Your journey to the top of the mountain.

I stayed below to watch, marvel and encourage.                                                     

I saw the yearning as you looked to the Heavens                           Both of us searching for a miracle.                                                                                                  I remember
Sitting at your bedside holding your hand
Lending you my strength, my arms, my mind           Watching you at the end of your journey

Loving you, 
       encouraging you.                                
            Praying you didn't have to leave

Your Journey here ended
with me staying behind, 
                                   To care for our children, 
                                                            prepare, 
                                                             so in time

                    
 I can cross from this world, wobbly

Your hand there to catch me close

        Your strength, your love . . .  YOU

STILL Love and                                          Miss you Kevin, 

                                         Ne’ 4-25-2012

School is just around the corner, I start before the kids! I am so excited to be on the down hill side of my Bachelors degree.
Have a lot going on, may have sold my dads place! YEAH! I have to go down this week to get whats left there so I can be done in Utah. That will be a load off for sure. I will be able to get my house here in MT finshed finally, then I can sell it next year. I am still going through probate, its not a long process but you do have to have money to do it, that is in short supply.

I am trying to decide if I can do my homeless huts, I have an idea that I dont seem to be able to get rid of so Im thinking that God wants me to do this. I want a nice sized piece of land about 10-20 acres so I can do this. I found these adorable dome homes that are amazingly insulated and would be perfect for family's.

I have found that most homeless shelters dont allow for families, most allow for women and children or just men. I dont see how that helps families get back on their feet. I see it pulling family's apart when they need to have each others love and support.

I am looking at applying for grants for this soon, just want to know HOW to write a grant. DO have a workshop coming up that should help with that. Here is hoping.

I want to have 5 to start out, they are not huge but a family could easily live in one of the "hobbit houses" Id eventually like to have 10 of them.   http://curvedbydesign.ca/    I am also wanting tent spaces and possibly some RV spaces as well, kind of thinking a communal type thing where everyone helps out and helps each other, Community meetings etc to help each other. IF we can do that, like it was prior to this selfish me me me era I think we will be able to achieve something great! I am sure there will be a learning curve but I look forward to it. If I can get it going!

Want to go to Glacier NP soon, its such a beautiful place need to take the camera and get some shots and the kids need to go DO something besides play video games..

Just a last thought about probate, it is a mess to go through this, wills are important no matter how old you are, just having 2 peoples signatures versify most wills and you can get them on line for free in may cases, IT IS SO WORTH IT. 

I am selling 2 burial plots on Craigs List, with my half of the money Im getting my funeral all paid for. When my parents did that and gave me it as a present for my 17th birthday, I thought it icky but do appreciate it so much. I do not want to leave my kids with that expense or stress. Kevin's Funeral was a bit over 4 grand and we got a casket for free and his boss paid to have him sent to Montana from AZ, add those expenses and its more than 6K.. NOT good.  It may seem a bit morbid but we are all gonna do it so why not plan what we want and NOT burden our children?

This N That

WOW time flies when life comes at you fast..

Well I graduated from the community college and have been enrolled in the University of Montana, Im working towards that Social Work degree.

Been an interesting ride so far and am actually looking forward to what new things are to come.

Mariah has been married a little over a year now and is a very happy wife.

Aurora turned 12 and entered the young womens program just in time to go to Girls camp for the first time, she had fun.

Forest went on a 5 day Boy Scout camp and seems to have had fun. He enjoyed the patches he worked on and the talks and getting to know his leaders better, He turned 17 today!

We went to the fair, saw the animals and the little ones went crazy on the rides, Aurora threw up on one! So it was a good thing! hee hee,. I must do a little bragging here. On a whim I entered a Ceramic wreath I had made while in my pottery class at FVCC it took best of show and first place. I also won a second place ribbon for a gluten free angel food cake!  Pretty good I think.

Yesterday we lost an important member of our family, Well not really but Dawsons favorite pants got murderated so we had to have a funeral for them, no really we did. We cremated his pants. It was rather moving and yes a little funny but he was really sad. The kids and I also got the opportunity to do a little work, I went with them and we put up some cedar fencing slats. They worked pretty hard and I felt they needed that experience.

The last part of this posting is, I'm ticked at whoever decided to steal my axles! yes TWO axles were stolen I needed those! I was going to put them on my trailer tomorrow and now because someone was a dishonest jerk I am not able to.. Stupid end for a good day at the fair!!