We got home, the bread I had put it when I left and told one of the boys to take out was VERY done because it was STILL in the oven. YEAH!! well the birds will love it. I threw it as high up into the pines as I could and... BINGO I actually made it stick in the boughs.. THATS a first!!!
When we got back to lakeside, its about 15 miles from Kalispell we stopped and got the mail, we dont have mail service at my house too steep and rural. There were 2 envelopes from the IRS. I was scared but opened them and this is what they said:
"Dear Kevin R. Newton: DECD
We need your assistance in updating our records; Please fill in the address information requested below. IN order to make changes to your address your signature is required. Return your response within 10 days from the date of this letter. Please use the enclosed envelope for your convenience. Thank you for your cooperation. then a place to do as they asked.
I was laughing so hard. THEY know he has died, its obvious by the way it is addressed but what I think is really funny is they want his signature.. Mariah and I wondered if we are supposed to give them his burial plot address? What is so rich about all this is they sent TWO letters, exactly the same! In separate envelopes. WHY I must ponder this question? AH our government at work aren't we SO proud! What ever happened to that reduction of paperwork act thing anyway?
I put in a couple more loaves of bread and am thawing rolls to bake. I also got the OK from Utahs 3rd District court that I can do the things my dad wanted done, Yeah that means I get to use HIS money now instead of mine.. Whew its really a relief.
I am getting really tired of dealing with DEAD stuff, Kevin has some things that I need to take care of but am having a difficult time getting the information because I wasn't on the account and since hes dead its a pain in the butt to get the bank to give me what I need. AZ is a community property state but the bank doesn't seem to get that. Its aggravating.
Then with my dad and the bank, taking in a copy of the will and a death certificate doesn't work anymore there has to be a trust set up geesh dieing is getting so complicated! One nice thing, I did get a note from McDougal Funeral home, the people who handled my dads things, I guess it is a policy that they donate a tree to be planted somewhere in America in the deceased's name. That was nice Daddy would have liked that I think.
I feel like I start to heal then some jerk comes along and scratches the scab off and makes it bleed all over again I getting tired of it. I think its gonna be a long time before all the details for them both are taken care of its just so grrrrr to deal with all the time.
Ive dealt with Death since I can remember, with my parents being older, Dad was 50 when they got me, people they know have been dieing, its part of life and something we all live through but it seems easier when you don't KNOW the person who died so well. Cousins and parents friends were actually fun when I was a kid, I got to drive to LOA then we would have a nice luncheon and I got to meet all these cool old people who though I was amazing and "such a pretty little thing" then dad would get tongue tied and introduce me as his wife, I would laugh and Graciously shake their hands and say, Well NO really Im his Daughter. I always felt so grown up at funerals. When Mom died it was a strange experience, DAD well he couldn't deal with it very well,
He didn't want a funeral for her but did decide HE wanted to say good by and have a quick 5 minute viewing. Peri and I asked to say goodbye too and he was ok with that but it was a very short viewing maybe 20 minutes and the Graveside service was just a dedicatory prayer. It was the shortest funeral service I have ever been to in my life, Dad left right after the AMEN.. HE so loves my mom he just couldn't be there. His service was a LITTLE longer Peri, my sister, spoke, I spoke and then a prayer. He was not a man who liked much fuss made but since funerals are not for the dead but for the living Peri, Mike, Dads son from his first marriage, and myself decided to do what we did.I get going about this and just go on and on and on sometimes I feel like people think Im such a whiner but Talking about it helps with the healing, at least for me. I found out today that a friend of mine in AZ lost her Brother-in-law, Another lost her Cousin, I seem to hear of so many people who are loosing loved ones, Today at the bank two of the tellers were talking about their fathers who had passed away just days ago. I don't remember hearing about so many deaths prior to my husband and dad dieing. Maybe I have just become hyper sensitive about it, so it affects me more than it did.
The worst part of this process for me is the well meaning platitudes of, "hes in a better place" "you will see him again", "God must have needed him", "You will find someone when you are ready".. B
lah Blah Blah, I know people mean well but; What the hell was wrong with him being here? I know I will see him again but I don't want to wait, I want to see him NOW! God has done just fine without him this long did he REALLY HAVE to take him, I mean He is omnipotent? and lastly but by no means the last, I don't EVER want to remarry, In fact the thought of it makes me nauseous. Now I'm not dissing these sweet people they just say what we are programmed to say, IVE said stuff like that. I don't anymore and the verbiage is so, well, annoying, he passed away, I have started and so have my children, saying pretty baldly and it shocks people but he DIED he didn't pass anywhere I think our 
culture, violent as it is, is afraid to actually say someone DIED. They try to sugar coat it, it doesn't make it any easier. He is dead. I know I will see him again but the fact still remains he is DEAD. My daughter has expressed that she is angry at her dad and God, one of her freinds keeps telling her "you cant be mad at God or your dad it doenst make sense" SO WHAT! She CAN be mad its actually a healthy thing its part of this LOVELY grieving process. Will she get over it, of course, Is it that kind of anger you flash, yup and it comes and goes and IT IS OKAY! But unfortunately unless you have experienced such a harsh loss in your life you cant understand it. God can handle his children being upset and angry with him in fact I think he actually expects some of that, we would not be human if we didnt have some feelings like that about loosing the ones we love, Im angry that our plans of stealing ourgrandkids and taking them to Disneyland wont happen now, NO growing old together and doing the mission and traveling we had planned on. Angry I dont have more time with him HERE. Afraid because he is gone and Im ALONE my parents are gone, my sister lives in Oregon and has an amazing life there she has worked HARD to carve out what she has and Im proud of her. My brother, well I dont hardly know him hes 26 years older than me and his oldest is just a year my junior. Its me and the kids. Yes Kevins brother and his family love us, no doubt but they live in AZ and have again worked hard for what they have and are content there. Kevin dieing has been one of my biggest fears come true,
Im alone and have 4 children to raise. Just me no one else to help. I miss that most of all, HIM just his presence, It calmed me, even when I was madder than a hornet at him it was a comfort to know he would always be there and hes not because he is dead. Well those leaky things are working overtime today. I think I will send one of the letters back to the IRS with Kevins Physical address it will make me feel better I think. I mean what a STUPID waste of GOVERNMENTAL time. Where is he now? DUH!
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